Lessons from Sam #4: The R-word feels personal.

If you know me well, you know that I consider the word ‘retard’ or ‘retarded’ to be more offensive than any swear word. In fact, most swear words feel benign to me, when compared to this (and other) derogatory slang words that reference certain populations.

I find the R-word to be divisive, elevating one human above another, separating our humanity into ‘us’ and ‘them’. Once a clinical term used to label people with intellectual disabilities, the R-word has now been removed from *most* medical journals and professional conversations. Unfortunately, it is still spoken in our American culture, whether in jest, without thought, or with the intent to mock another person.

The R-word is often used to label an idea, object, or person as frustrating, stupid, foolish, or worthless. Whether or not the R-word is expressed mindlessly, it still makes me cringe. While the person speaking might think the word is ‘no big deal’, I (and many others) find it to be degrading, a personal insult to my friends and family with special needs, specifically Sam.

 

 

I’m grateful for the steps our society is taking to remove the R-word from our vernacular and yet I still hear it at least once a month. I’m compelled to keep speaking out and offering ways to improve our language, especially as it relates to my own family.

Here are a few practical ways you can help to stop the use of the R-word:

• Think before you speak.
• When you realize that you’ve said the R-word, apologize. I’ve had friends sincerely apologize to me, as soon as they realize they’ve said it. Forgiveness is swift and we carry on with grace.
• Replace the R-word with a better descriptive. Take the time to think of a better way to explain your thoughts or reference to a particular person.
• Address the R-word when you hear it. Politely suggest that the speaker find a better term—one that does not insult.
• Practice people-first language. When I talk about Sam, I never announce that he has Ds, unless absolutely necessary. In that case, I say, “Sam has Down syndrome” or “my son, who has Down syndrome.” I don’t say, “My Down syndrome son” or “my Downsy kid.” Always refer to the person first. If a disability is irrelevant to the conversation or situation, simply leave it out.
• Get to know someone with Down syndrome. (Come over to our house and hang out for awhile!)

You may be wondering why advocates make a big deal of the R-word. I offer my reason:

The way we think about people often starts with our words.

Abusive language leads to dehumanization. In the past, we saw this as the cruel Nazis used vile words to describe the Jews. We now see this occurring in countries and cultures that view people with Down syndrome as nothing more than a burdensome fetus to eliminate. When we use derogatory slurs to describe our fellow humans, we begin to *slowly* justify the ill-treatment and eventual annihilation of entire populations.

We don’t have to settle for this in our diverse country, dear readers. We can choose our words carefully. We can eliminate language that does not serve our fellow humans. We can continue to affirm the worth of every person, who was made in the image of a loving, creative God that makes no mistakes.

Enclosed is a video that shares a small glimpse of Sam’s journey to our home. He is not a label or a slur or a sub-human. He is an incredible gift to our family, to our world.

Samuel Creed Carper Slideshow complete