3 Steps to Loving Beyond Your Circle

As we prepare to say good-bye to February, the so-called looooooove month, I wonder, how did we love beyond those we already know and value? Did we make an effort to remind those outside our social circles that they are seen, that they matter, too?

Valentine’s Day came and went in our homes and those with whom we share mutual affection–those who ‘get us’–likely received some token of our affection.

Flowers.

Chocolates.

Wine.

Candy.

Dinner.

Homemade cards.

Thoughtful gestures to remind those within our familiar social sphere that we care

But what about those beyond our cozy circles?

The lonely woman in the nursing home?

The neighbor without a car who needs a ride to the store?

The student at school whose foul odor is due to her devastating circumstances at home, where clean laundry is not a priority?

The prisoner behind bars?

The grocer who stutters and moves a bit more slowly as he bags your groceries?

The ones typically excluded from their own families, communities, churches, and social clubs?

Have we made an effort to care for the ones who struggle to belong–or whom we struggle to welcome? The ones we avoid because they annoy or frustrate us? The ones who require more of our limited time and energy? The ones who don’t share our culture or life perspective?

As March nips at February’s heels, before a new season begins, I want to share 3 steps you can take to love beyond your circle:

1. Make two lists. Draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle, write the names of the people you know and/or find easy to love. This list may include those who share your political views, life experiences, socioeconomic status, skin tone, or god. Then, move your pen to the outside of the circle and write the names (or the roles/descriptions) of those you don’t know well. This list may include those who annoy or anger you, those who feel like an enemy, or those with whom you struggle to connect because your lives are so very different. Pick a name from the list outside the circle and ask yourself, “How can I move toward the ‘other’ as Christ has so compassionately moved toward me?”
2. Move. Once you’ve made your lists, be intentional to invite the ‘other’ into your home or offer to meet for coffee or a walk. Determine one way to connect, then schedule time in your calendar in order to make it happen. Offer transportation, if needed. Do what you can to build connection. This is not meant to be a charity gig but a slow process of developing relationships with those outside your comfort zone.
3. Pray. Ask God for a willing and courageous heart as you move beyond the familiarity of your own circle and toward those outside your line. Pray for wisdom and humility as you begin to listen and learn from the ‘other.’

Not all of us are given a Divine mandate to relocate in order to live in proximity with those outside our man-made circles, though some of us will and all of us should prayerfully consider it. Whether city or suburbia, rural country or woods, we can identify with the poor, the lonely, and the outcasts by intentionally connecting in ways that affirm their dignity and remind them that they belong. And we can seek God year-round, not just in the loooove month, for how to be present for those beyond our circles.

As I make these 3 steps a pattern in my own life, I hope that the circular line I’ve drawn will begin to fade to where there is no ‘me and them’–only ‘us’–made in the image of the God who went beyond His circle to be present with me. May we endeavor to love others as He has loved us.

Our hope is to become freer each day in order to accept others, to be fully present to them.

That is our hope. It is only in that way we will be able to give life.

Come, Holy Spirit, give us hearts of peace and warmth

which can serve as a refuge for those who suffer.

Come, help us to be present one to another.

Jean Vanier