Adoption and Foster Care Resource Guide 2019

One of the most healing components of adoption for many of us living within the adoption-foster care circuit is the opportunity to connect with others who understand the journey. I’ve come to know and appreciate a beautiful network of truth-tellers and hope-bringers doing meaningful and sustainable work within this unique community. 

Through these connections, I’ve discovered many foster care and adoption-related resources that have helped to grow me into a more informed, empathetic parent and person–an ongoing process for which I am deeply grateful.

If you’re part of the adoption triad or you’re a foster parent and you’re interested in personal growth or in need of support, this resource guide is for you. It is also for you if: 

• You believe foster care or adoption might be the next step for your family. 
• You would like to be more involved with foster and adoptive families.
• You are a friend or family member of someone in the adoption triad. 
• You work with children from trauma.

And if you don’t fit the above criteria, well, I’m putting on my bossy pants and insisting you read on anyway because there’s some good content here. These resources have provided practical support for our family and for many other families, as well.

I’d also like to offer a word on how to use this guide. Please do not think, “To be truly informed on these issues, I must consume EVERY resource listed! No book shall be left unread! No podcast shall be ignored! ALL websites shall be Googled post-haste!” Please, JUST CHILL ALREADY. Let your heart rate come down, good Reader.  And for the love, you can stop using ‘shall.’

Instead, take a deep breath and consider these 3 reasonable steps as you begin:

1. Read through the entire guide at least once.
2. Read through it again and make a list of 3-5 resources that would be most helpful to you and your family in this current season.
3. Once you’ve selected a book or explored a website or podcast, choose one action step that will best serve your family, your child’s birth family, or will move you toward your own healing. (I love Jesus and therapy.) If you are not a foster or adoptive family, you probably know a few. Decide how you will extend love and support to just one. Set a goal date and make it happen, People.

Remember, you don’t have to agree with every single point made by the writers, authors, speakers, and influencers listed here. (I certainly don’t!) That’s okay. We can respectfully disagree but let’s also keep listening and stay open to learning.  

So, grab a cup of coffee, unless tea is your thing. Or hot cocoa. Or whiskey. Whatever. Go on. I’ll wait.

Now, settle in to a cozy place with your laptop or phone. All you have to do is scroll down and read. See? Isn’t that easy? The bulk of the research is already done for you.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

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ORGANIZATIONS: 

• Lifesong: “Seeks to mobilize the Church, where each member can provide a unique and special service [related to orphan care]: some to adopt, some to care, some to give.” Lifesong was instrumental in helping us to bring Sam home. They provided matching grants—one personal matching grant and one through our church. They are an amazing, generous organization.

• Adopt US Kids: “A national project that supports child welfare systems and connects children in foster care with families.” Provides helpful information for starting the domestic adoption process.

• Reece’s Rainbow: “The mission of Reece’s Rainbow is to advocate and find families for orphans with Down syndrome and other special needs by raising funds for adoption grants and promoting awareness through an online community, media communications, and other events.” This is an international organization that first informed me of the desperate need for kids with disabilities (outside of the U.S.) to be adopted. These children are orphans (who have no living family members to care for them and/or were abandoned with no identity). Without adoption, many will either languish and die in poorly run institutions or age out of their orphanages, only to get lost, trafficked, or killed on the streets.

• Empowered to Connect: ETC is a ministry that works to connect, encourage and equip families and churches by providing a supportive and authentic community that encourages foster and adoptive families.

FACEBOOK PAGES:

• National Down Syndrome Adoption Network: Led by the kind and fearless Stephanie Thompson, the NDSAN seeks to provide loving homes for kids with Down syndrome. This is the organization that connected us with Sam’s birth family. Stephanie continues to be a part of our lives and we feel privileged to call her ‘friend.’ This FB page is full of helpful information and stories that encourage and inspire anyone, especially those within the adoption community.

• The Post Institute: Directed by Bryan Post, this page helps direct parents and professionals to effective solutions, education, and support as they connect with vulnerable children. The Post Institute is a leader in the arena of Trauma Informed Care.

• Wreckage and Wonder: Writer, PhD student, artist, and transracial adoptee, Torie DiMartile, offers insight and thought-provoking materials that serve all members of the triad, particularly those in the transracial adoptive forum.

• The Adopted Life: This is a Facebook page that grew from Angela Tucker’s personal blog. Angie is a speaker, writer, leader in the adoption community, and transracial adoptee who seeks to elevate the voices of adoptees through her various online platforms.   

WEBSITES:

• www.theadoptedlife.com. This is one of my favorites, especially as it relates to the topic of transracial adoption. Angela Tucker is the heartbeat of this informative, thought-provoking space, where she endeavors to give adoptees a bigger voice in our culture. Angela & her husband filmed the documentary, Closure, in which she shares her quest to find her birth family. It aired on Netflix and is available through purchase at https://www.amazon.com/Closure-Angela-Tucker/dp/B00H8B87ZE. She was recently interviewed by the ladies at The Red Table. You can watch that informative interview here.

• Confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com is a website hosted by Mike & Kristin Berry. Their mission is to provide support and encouragement for foster and adoptive parents.

• DiscoverFamily.net An online search organization whose goal is to “provide tools and stories to help others in their search for family that they didn’t know they had.”

BOOKS FOR ADULTS IN THE TRIAD AND ADULTS WORKING WITH CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE:

• Before You Adopt: A Guide to the Questions You Should Be Asking a workbook by Christa Jordan and Jonathan Jordan

• The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Newton Verrier

• Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

• The Connected Child: Bring Hope & Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Dr. Karen Purvis

• From Fear to Love by Bryan Post

• The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

• Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by Brodzinksy, Schecter, and Henig

• Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families—and America by Adam Pertman

• Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience by Betty Jean Lifton, Ph.D.

• Talking With Young Children About Adoption by Mary Watkins and Dr. Susan Fischer

• Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens by Debbie Riley and John Meeks

• Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child by Holly Van-Gulden and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb (a bit dated but chock-full of solid research and relevant material)

• Inside Transracial Adoption: Strength-based, Culture-sensitizing Parenting Strategies for Inter-country or Domestic Adoptive Families That Don’t “Match” by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg

• Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

• Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care: A Parent’s Guide to Beginning Natural Hair Styling by Rory Mullen 

MEMOIRS (M), FICTION (F), AND NON-FICTION BOOKS (NF) FOR ADULTS IN THE TRIAD:

*These books may contain adult content that you find difficult to read. I believe we must pay close attention to the lived experiences of others–without judgment. These stories need to be told and we would do well to read them.*

• In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories edited by Rita J. Simon and Rhonda M. Roorda (M). Side note: Rita has authored several books that highlight voices from other members of the triad.

• Through Adopted Eyes is a book filled with 50 stories shared by adoptees from various backgrounds. Written and compiled by the fantastic Elena Hall, who also happens to be an international adoptee. (M)

• Found by Jennifer Lauck (M)

• Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson (M)

• Adoption Land: From Orphans to Activists by Janine Myung Ja, Michael Allen Potter, and Allen L. Vance (M/anthology)

• They Chose Me: An Adoption Story by Denise Lynnette Defoe (M)

• Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate (F)

• The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler (NF)

• All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir by Nicole Chung (M)

BOOKS FOR YOUNG ADOPTEES OR CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE (best to read as parent-child):

• Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find you by Nancy Tillman (not adoption-specific but contains adoption-related themes)

• Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis, illustrated by Laura Cornell

• When God Made You by Matthew Paul Turner, illustrated by David Catrow (not adoption-specific but contains adoption-related themes)

• A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza

• I Don’t Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze

• Not Quite Narwal by Jessie Sima

• Families Change: A Book for Children Experiencing Termination of Parental Rights by Julie Nelson

• Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care by Jennifer Wilgocki

• Love You From Right Here: A Keepsake Book for Children in Foster Care by Jamie Sandefer, illustrated by Pamela Goodman

• You Weren’t With Me by Chandra Ghosh Ippen, illustrated by Erich Ippen, Jr.

• We’re All Not the Same But We’re Still Family: An Adoption and Birth Family Story by Theresa Fraser and Eric E.W. Fraser

• Frankie and Friends Talk Adoption by Pam Kroskie and Marcie Keithley, illustrated by Josh Allen

PODCASTS:

• Tapestry’s Empowered to Connect: For parents, professionals, ministry leaders who want more authentic, deeper connections with the children they are serving.
• Adoptees On: Adoptees discuss the adoption experience
• Who Am I Really? Real-life stories from adoptees as they search & find their biological family members.
• The Adoption & Fostering Podcast: Conversations & discussion on contemporary adoption & foster care.
• Real Mom Podcast: Hosted by Jamie Finn, this podcast shares the realities of life, specific to biological, foster, and adoptive moms.
• Adoption Advocacy Podcast: A podcast committed to honest discussions around adoption topics that include all members of the triad. 

INSTAGRAM: There are countless Instagrammers that humble, humor, inform, and inspire me. Here are a few from my growing list: 

• adoption
• adoptionadvocacypodcast
• adoption.books
• adoptionsupportnow
• adoptwell
• angieadoptee
• americaskidsbelong
• bigtoughgirl
• birthmamalove
• cherideejohnson
• fosterthefamilyblog
• foster_more
• inthiswithyou
• life_with_curlz
• kindredand.co
• ndsan321
• openheartsfororphans
• shardayrenee
• spoonfulofjordanblog
• theadoptedride
• therapyredeemed
• throughadoptedeyes
• transracialadoptiontherapist
• wreckageandwonder

I hope this resource guide helps to enhance your foster care and adoption education and highlight a few new-to-you voices. May you be encouraged to listen and learn and may you be prompted to consider your own role in caring for those in the adoption triad and those serving in the foster care system.

Featured image by Engin_Akyurt at Unsplash