What To Ask When Your Soul Needs Space

Spring has arrived here in Maryland, which means it’s time for this organizer to clean out, pare down, and spruce up, a practice I’ve committed to for years. Last week, I took an hour to purge our books, setting aside several to pass along to others and tossing a handful of toxic theology books that have done more damage than good. 

Maybe you can relate to this seasonal ritual. 

The snow thaws and spring arrives with her gentle nudge to pull out those clothes hidden at the back of your closet or those untouched books gathering dust or those dishes you haven’t used since slouch socks and bad perms were the height of sophistication. You probably even have a basic system to help you discern what to keep or toss in order to create space to breathe in your home. 

But, I wonder, how many of us have a seasonal rhythm for making space for our souls?

What does that even look like? 

Most of us probably realize that the first step in cleaning out a particular area in our home is to remove the unnecessary, which often requires several decisions that can be made by asking three basic questions:

• What no longer serves this space?
• What needs to be tossed? 
• What would bring life into this space?

At the root of these questions is THEE question: what belongs here? 

The practice of creating space for our souls follows a similar pattern. 

1. What in my life no longer serves me or those I love? 

This is not a selfish question but a step toward gaining clarity on what is helpful to your inner life–your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. 

What is taking up too much of your mental, emotional, or spiritual energy?  

Who are you becoming without healthy boundaries in your relationships? 

How is that habit impacting your connection with the Divine, yourself, and those who know and love you? 

Taking time to reflect on what no longer serves your inner life is important to consider before you move to the second question, which involves action.

2. What needs to be released? 

Just like you need to decide whether to keep that kitchen appliance you ‘might use one day’ or those eleventy billion stuffed animals crowding your kids’ room, you need to get clear on what needs to be released from your inner life. 

Most of the time, we know what we need to let go but admitting it can bring shame and following through can be complicated. This may include a harmful habit or relationship or a narrative that has left you feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Sometimes this step is best taken with a therapist who can help us process our past or a coach who can support us as we move forward. 

Once we know what no longer serves our souls, we are able to gain clarity on what needs to be released, and then move forward in considering what to add, if anything. 

3. What brings life?  

When you’ve taken time to discover what no longer serves your inner life and you’ve decided what to release, you’ll have more mental space to think about what brings life. 

Several weeks ago, I was invited to replace a Bible study leader who had already chosen the curriculum and meeting details but then was unable to lead it. I had initial reservations about committing as her substitute, especially in light of my other responsibilities and this heavy season of parenting, but forged ahead believing this would be mutually beneficial. 

I’m almost ashamed to confess that as the days passed, my resentment in leading the study grew. I didn’t realize the time required of me to not only work through the study on my own but also to prepare as facilitator for the discussions. I dreaded every gathering, smiling and working my way through it, while thinking,

“I just want to play with my kids…

I just want to write that piece…

I just want to play outside…

I just need part of a day that feels restful.” 

I had said yes to others, using precious time to appease a group of people I didn’t even know, instead of honoring the needs of my own soul and connecting with my family. 

As weeks passed, group members were unable to attend and I, a staunch non-quitter, finally decided to end our gatherings with nearly a month left. Surprisingly, that decision didn’t make me feel like a failure. Instead, I felt empowered. Light. Free of resentment. Peaceful. Like my soul could finally exhale.

The ‘extra’ hours each week are now used to write from a place of love, to connect more intentionally with my family, to get outside, and to read for the sheer fun of it.

Carving out time to ask these simple questions can be a helpful practice when your soul needs space to breathe.

I wonder, how would you answer these three questions? 

Featured image by Philip Berndt at Unsplash