On Death Cleaning & Truth-telling

A couple months ago, I discovered a delightful library book nestled on a shelf among the other self-helpers, a genre that always extends a kind invitation but one I rarely accept.

While I’d never heard of The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, its author, or the Swedish term behind the premise of the book, I’ve watched others, particularly my parents, move through dostadning (death cleaning) for a while now. In fact, as I type, my elbows rest on the weathered Ethan Allen dining room table Dad and Mom passed along when they downsized several years ago. Beneath my weary arms are my ninth grade Algebra equations etched in the wooden frame and random splashes of gold glitter from the crafty days of yore. I’m okay with that. This beautifully worn family heirloom continues to serve our kids and the beloved guests who’ve gathered ‘round it.    

Dostadning.

Do.Stadning.

do: death 

stadning: cleaning

The author of this quick read, Margareta Magnusson, a Swedish woman ‘somewhere between 70 and 90 years old,’ invites us to consider the stuff in our homes in light of our inevitable death. Using humor in a gentle, direct tone, she acknowledges the complexity of emotions throughout this often difficult process but does so without being overly sentimental–even when precious items need purging.

In reference to keeping cards and letters, things I personally struggle to release, she offers these words of wisdom:

“The more I have focused on my cleaning, the braver I have become. I often ask myself, ‘Will anyone I know be happier if I save this?’ If after a moment of reflection I can honestly answer no, then it goes into the hungry shredder, always waiting for paper to chew. But before it goes into the shredder, I have had a moment to reflect on the event or feeling, good or bad, and to know that it has been a part of my story and of my life.” 

Purging our home of certain items, while still savoring their memories, actually makes us braver. Death cleaning encourages us to step out of denial, to embrace the reality of our future absence, and to decide now what’s worth our time and energy to manage.

Telling ourselves the truth about what we hold and why and choosing to keep only what matters requires vulnerability, a major stepping stone to making braver choices that will free us of the things we’ll eventually leave behind. In doing this now, we get to create a home:

where human connections are more important than collections

where being together is valued over shuffling stuff

and where things begin to fade in light of the souls before us. 

We don’t have to wait until the recommended age of 65 years old to practice dostadning. We can begin anytime. Here are a few questions to help you get started:

How you can value the memories and their place in your story without clinging to all of the items tethered to those memories?

Who benefits from what you choose to keep? Who might benefit from their release?

As you look at your home and practice dostadning, what is one space / room / drawer / cupboard you can clean out this week or month?

If you feel overwhelmed and need a guide to help you discover what belongs in your home, I’d be honored to work with you as your coach. Just email me at kateecarper@gmail.com.