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Free Advice from a 40-Year Old

March 15, 2018 By Katie 2 Comments

I bid farewell to my 30’s last week. Some good-byes are difficult but not this one. I have a new…
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About Katie

Of all the online spaces you’ve ventured into, I’m so glad you’ve made your way here.

I write to remind my readers they belong and to encourage them to create a culture of belonging right where they live.

I coach to help my clients discover what belongs in their lives.

I'd love to get to know you!

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When I think back to the early months of motherhoo

When I think back to the early months of motherhood, those bleary-eyed, overwhelming days (nights?) of colic and learning the needs of my first born, I can hardly believe we're here.

The toddler who traipsed around in Huggies and heels, singing made-up tunes and chatting with her hilarious imaginary friend, Lackey, outgrew my heels two years ago. And for the past year, I've been looking up to her--literally.

The longer I parent, the more I discover this gift to be one long, winding road of learning to let go. From the moment she said, "My do it, Mommy," I knew we had begun to leave the days of her tiny hand snuggled in mine.

And while I know these seasons of greater independence are part of her journey, I'm still surprised when they arrive with another milestone at my door, another invitation to release. Some days I ache to hold on just a little longer.

Happy 17th, Sissy.
You're a gift to our home, to your friends, to this aching world.

[ID: A white teen girl with brown hair in 2 braids, wearing black leggings and a black hoodie, is walking in the woods. Sun beams are coming through the trees as she walks away from the camera.]

#Parenting #LettingGo

Fantastic read from the summer. Posting just now

Fantastic read from the summer.
Posting just now because LIFE.
Anything by James McBride is worth reading.

Favorite character line:

"Every once in a while there's a glimmer of hope.
Just a blip on the horizon...something that said,
'Guess what, you so-and-so, I am God's child.
And I.Am.Still.Here.'"

You're still here.
I'm still here.

What will we do today
to live the truth that we're God's children
and we belong?

What will we do today
to ensure the belonging of others
who don't share our privileges?

[ID: A hardcover book with the outline of a man wearing a hat, and swirls of red, green, and orange on the front. The title 'Deacon King Kong a novel James McBride' is printed on the cover.]

He's 15 now and officially taller than me. I love

He's 15 now and officially taller than me.
I love who he is and who he's becoming.

But I miss
his surprisingly deep toddler voice,
his giggle every time he said 'mommy,'
his dance routines in his tighty-whitey onesie,
his high-falsetto from the back seat
as we sang together 'Teach Me to Know'
by #TheLoneBellow.

What a gift to celebrate this kid who has grown to embody empathy, humility, and kindness as he quietly serves and insists on the belonging of others.

[ID: White boy with blue shirt and Brown boy with pink shirt are sitting on a rocky shore overlooking a large river at sunset.]

#Parenthood #HeyJude #RainbowBaby #GratefulMom

Savoring these late summer / early fall sunsets.

Savoring these late summer / early fall sunsets.
Here's to the in-between seasons
in all their beauty and complexity.
(Insert life metaphor here.)

Richard Rohr tells me it all belongs. And I believe him.

[ID: Sun setting in a tree line with a potted plant in front.]

#GetAfterGrateful #ItAllBelongs

We recently met halfway between our homes. We wal

We recently met halfway between our homes.

We walked several miles,
laughed 'til our sides hurt,
sipped strong coffee,
and talked All The Things.

We're not who we were
when we met nearly 30 (!) years ago.
Life's losses and the passing years
have kept us aware of our own mortality.

Wrinkles now frame our eyes and smiles.
Woven strands of salt & pepper
now fall below our chins.
Scars on our softened hearts
now smoothed by
the waves of time.

As we embrace our aging bodies,
shifting perspectives,
and evolving faith,
we're more open to mystery,
more aware of the Divine Love that holds us,
more content in the Hope
'perched in our souls.'

Wisdom tells us life is a mere breath.
(She's not wrong.)

Middle age reminds us
growing older is a privilege.

And growing older with friends
who graciously welcome
all the selves we've ever been,
is a rare gift.

[ID: Two white women with brown eyes are smiling. One in the white shirt has darker hair and one in the grey shirt has brown curly hair.]

#Friendship #Grateful #SimplyTuesday #BelongingAndFriendship

He turned 10 this month. What an absolute privileg

He turned 10 this month.
What an absolute privilege to love him.💛

#Parenthood #Grateful #OurSamWise #DownSyndromeLove

I read this gem before we moved in 2022 and I'm fi

I read this gem before we moved in 2022 and I'm finally getting around to giving it a *permanent* square here on the 'gram.

This might be the best book I've read on minimalism. It gets to the heart of why we consume and why we hold on to what we don't 'love, use, or need,' while providing principles and a process for how to grow and change.

And all of this wisdom is shared through an African-American lens, a rarely considered and much-needed perspective in minimalist / decluttering spaces.

The wise and wonderful Christine Platt connects minimalism with liberation and I am here 👏🏼for👏🏼it.👏🏼

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts from her brilliant book:

"You can whittle down your belongings to fit into a single carry-on suitcase, but unless you do the work to understand why you had so much stuff in the first place and determine what you truly need, use, and love, you'll end up back at square one faster than you think."

"There's a reason acknowledgement is the first step in the process rather than jumping straight into the task of letting go. In order to live with less you must own up to the truth of your overconsumption."

"Living with less is about more than just having a tidy home. It is a mindset, a personal commitment to be a more conscious consumer. It is a process of self-discovery that teaches you to be honest and intentional about what you want and allow into your life."

Highly, highly recommend that you buy this book (or find it at your local library) and follow @iamchristineplatt and support her work.

[ID: The red-covered book, The Afrominimalist's Guide to Living with Less, sits on top of a log stump side table.]

#Minimalism #LiveWithLess #Essential #DeclutterYourHome #DeclutterYourLife #LessStuff

My most loyal (and overprotective) writing compani

My most loyal (and overprotective) writing companion.

[ID: Fluffy white dog sitting on wooden picnic table with a red coffee cup beside him]

#AmWriting

Sometimes parenting is relentless advocacy in clas

Sometimes parenting is relentless advocacy in classrooms, board meetings, medical offices, hospital hallways, and family gatherings.

Sometimes it's building courage and confidence in their identity when white kids won't respect the elemental adage, 'please keep your hands to yourself.'

Sometimes it's tossing the car keys into eager teen hands when the clock tries to convince me that efficiency matters more than opportunity.

Sometimes it's
braiding hair and
dosing meds and
tucking sheets around wiggly bodies and
nudging sleepy heads to rise and
cleaning wounds and
holding hands and
telling stories and
texting jokes and
listening when their eyes fill and their lips quiver and their hearts break and
resisting the urge to reach for any elusive Band-aid and
working through conflict and
praying and cursing and
begging for a damn break from all the hard and then

gently turning their gaze toward the kids across town
and across oceans who are desperate to be seen--
--to live--and
finding some way to show up with Hope
even as we stumble along with Jesus.

All the while trying to tend to my own needs and wounds and work and dreams.

And sometimes
it's a simple golf cart ride through the woods at dusk,
rocking out to Beyonce and Noah Kahan on repeat,
grateful for the enduring Love
who holds us through the mess of it all.

[ID: White mom with brown hair is sitting on a golf cart with her Brown girl with black hair who sits behind her. The girl's arm is draped around her mom's neck. A Brown boy with short black hair is sitting in the front seat beside his mom. All 3 are smiling.]

#Parenthood #Grateful #Together #Motherhood

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Adoption
Down Syndrome
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Parenting
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When I think back to the early months of motherhoo

When I think back to the early months of motherhood, those bleary-eyed, overwhelming days (nights?) of colic and learning the needs of my first born, I can hardly believe we're here.

The toddler who traipsed around in Huggies and heels, singing made-up tunes and chatting with her hilarious imaginary friend, Lackey, outgrew my heels two years ago. And for the past year, I've been looking up to her--literally.

The longer I parent, the more I discover this gift to be one long, winding road of learning to let go. From the moment she said, "My do it, Mommy," I knew we had begun to leave the days of her tiny hand snuggled in mine.

And while I know these seasons of greater independence are part of her journey, I'm still surprised when they arrive with another milestone at my door, another invitation to release. Some days I ache to hold on just a little longer.

Happy 17th, Sissy.
You're a gift to our home, to your friends, to this aching world.

[ID: A white teen girl with brown hair in 2 braids, wearing black leggings and a black hoodie, is walking in the woods. Sun beams are coming through the trees as she walks away from the camera.]

#Parenting #LettingGo

Fantastic read from the summer. Posting just now

Fantastic read from the summer.
Posting just now because LIFE.
Anything by James McBride is worth reading.

Favorite character line:

"Every once in a while there's a glimmer of hope.
Just a blip on the horizon...something that said,
'Guess what, you so-and-so, I am God's child.
And I.Am.Still.Here.'"

You're still here.
I'm still here.

What will we do today
to live the truth that we're God's children
and we belong?

What will we do today
to ensure the belonging of others
who don't share our privileges?

[ID: A hardcover book with the outline of a man wearing a hat, and swirls of red, green, and orange on the front. The title 'Deacon King Kong a novel James McBride' is printed on the cover.]

He's 15 now and officially taller than me. I love

He's 15 now and officially taller than me.
I love who he is and who he's becoming.

But I miss
his surprisingly deep toddler voice,
his giggle every time he said 'mommy,'
his dance routines in his tighty-whitey onesie,
his high-falsetto from the back seat
as we sang together 'Teach Me to Know'
by #TheLoneBellow.

What a gift to celebrate this kid who has grown to embody empathy, humility, and kindness as he quietly serves and insists on the belonging of others.

[ID: White boy with blue shirt and Brown boy with pink shirt are sitting on a rocky shore overlooking a large river at sunset.]

#Parenthood #HeyJude #RainbowBaby #GratefulMom

Savoring these late summer / early fall sunsets.

Savoring these late summer / early fall sunsets.
Here's to the in-between seasons
in all their beauty and complexity.
(Insert life metaphor here.)

Richard Rohr tells me it all belongs. And I believe him.

[ID: Sun setting in a tree line with a potted plant in front.]

#GetAfterGrateful #ItAllBelongs

We recently met halfway between our homes. We wal

We recently met halfway between our homes.

We walked several miles,
laughed 'til our sides hurt,
sipped strong coffee,
and talked All The Things.

We're not who we were
when we met nearly 30 (!) years ago.
Life's losses and the passing years
have kept us aware of our own mortality.

Wrinkles now frame our eyes and smiles.
Woven strands of salt & pepper
now fall below our chins.
Scars on our softened hearts
now smoothed by
the waves of time.

As we embrace our aging bodies,
shifting perspectives,
and evolving faith,
we're more open to mystery,
more aware of the Divine Love that holds us,
more content in the Hope
'perched in our souls.'

Wisdom tells us life is a mere breath.
(She's not wrong.)

Middle age reminds us
growing older is a privilege.

And growing older with friends
who graciously welcome
all the selves we've ever been,
is a rare gift.

[ID: Two white women with brown eyes are smiling. One in the white shirt has darker hair and one in the grey shirt has brown curly hair.]

#Friendship #Grateful #SimplyTuesday #BelongingAndFriendship

He turned 10 this month. What an absolute privileg

He turned 10 this month.
What an absolute privilege to love him.💛

#Parenthood #Grateful #OurSamWise #DownSyndromeLove

I read this gem before we moved in 2022 and I'm fi

I read this gem before we moved in 2022 and I'm finally getting around to giving it a *permanent* square here on the 'gram.

This might be the best book I've read on minimalism. It gets to the heart of why we consume and why we hold on to what we don't 'love, use, or need,' while providing principles and a process for how to grow and change.

And all of this wisdom is shared through an African-American lens, a rarely considered and much-needed perspective in minimalist / decluttering spaces.

The wise and wonderful Christine Platt connects minimalism with liberation and I am here 👏🏼for👏🏼it.👏🏼

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts from her brilliant book:

"You can whittle down your belongings to fit into a single carry-on suitcase, but unless you do the work to understand why you had so much stuff in the first place and determine what you truly need, use, and love, you'll end up back at square one faster than you think."

"There's a reason acknowledgement is the first step in the process rather than jumping straight into the task of letting go. In order to live with less you must own up to the truth of your overconsumption."

"Living with less is about more than just having a tidy home. It is a mindset, a personal commitment to be a more conscious consumer. It is a process of self-discovery that teaches you to be honest and intentional about what you want and allow into your life."

Highly, highly recommend that you buy this book (or find it at your local library) and follow @iamchristineplatt and support her work.

[ID: The red-covered book, The Afrominimalist's Guide to Living with Less, sits on top of a log stump side table.]

#Minimalism #LiveWithLess #Essential #DeclutterYourHome #DeclutterYourLife #LessStuff

My most loyal (and overprotective) writing compani

My most loyal (and overprotective) writing companion.

[ID: Fluffy white dog sitting on wooden picnic table with a red coffee cup beside him]

#AmWriting

Sometimes parenting is relentless advocacy in clas

Sometimes parenting is relentless advocacy in classrooms, board meetings, medical offices, hospital hallways, and family gatherings.

Sometimes it's building courage and confidence in their identity when white kids won't respect the elemental adage, 'please keep your hands to yourself.'

Sometimes it's tossing the car keys into eager teen hands when the clock tries to convince me that efficiency matters more than opportunity.

Sometimes it's
braiding hair and
dosing meds and
tucking sheets around wiggly bodies and
nudging sleepy heads to rise and
cleaning wounds and
holding hands and
telling stories and
texting jokes and
listening when their eyes fill and their lips quiver and their hearts break and
resisting the urge to reach for any elusive Band-aid and
working through conflict and
praying and cursing and
begging for a damn break from all the hard and then

gently turning their gaze toward the kids across town
and across oceans who are desperate to be seen--
--to live--and
finding some way to show up with Hope
even as we stumble along with Jesus.

All the while trying to tend to my own needs and wounds and work and dreams.

And sometimes
it's a simple golf cart ride through the woods at dusk,
rocking out to Beyonce and Noah Kahan on repeat,
grateful for the enduring Love
who holds us through the mess of it all.

[ID: White mom with brown hair is sitting on a golf cart with her Brown girl with black hair who sits behind her. The girl's arm is draped around her mom's neck. A Brown boy with short black hair is sitting in the front seat beside his mom. All 3 are smiling.]

#Parenthood #Grateful #Together #Motherhood

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